WATCH: Jenny’s Brush With Death

I know, I know...there are "good snakes" and "bad snakes," and this one wasn't one of the "bad ones."

But let me just tell you: as far as I'm concerned, the only "good" snake is a dead one, poisonous or not. I don't even have time for garden hoses sticks that kinda LOOK like snakes.

And don't tell me that good snakes keep away mice, because you know what? I'd rather have the mice. Mice are sweet, snakes are not, and literally every Disney movie will back me up on that. Did you see a bunch of snakes sewing a dress for Cinderella? Nope. It was cute li'l mice. Was it a creepy mouse in The Jungle Book that tried to hypnotize Mowgli? Nope. It was a freakin' snake.

I would even argue that as a woman, my fear of snakes is innate--was it a fuzzy li'l Zoboombafoo monkey that tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit? Nope. It was a freakin' snake, and it's all been downhill from that point.

Suffice it to say that I HATE snakes. So, you can imagine how my life flashed before my eyes when I pulled into my driveway on Monday and saw this:

I guess we've gotta move now. Peace out, Grovetown.